I think you're my best friend [closed]

[dead_black_eyes]

Who: Lazarus and Tony
What: Too many feels to handle, relationship woes and endings.
Where: L and Cesar's apartment... minus a Cesar ;;
When: After the breakup
Warnings: FEELS, candid relationship talk, poorly managed mental illness



Cesar had left with the explicit understanding that Lazarus would be looked after and reach out to those he could trust and count on. It's not like there aren't a multitude of those people in this very same building, better equipped to deal with unmedicated episodes without the painful, raw emotional baggage that still hangs between the two men in the form of Cesar's deceased brother.

But now that the glass has been cleaned up and the bandages and stitches have been applied where necessary, Lazarus hasn't really followed through. He's preferred to be alone and keep this a secret for now, and even though he realizes that Cesar might possibly have contacted people to give them a heads up about the severity of this situation as a whole, he might also have just gotten far away as fast as possible. Assuming the best, he trusts Lazarus even now to do what's needed; assuming the worst, he's already trying to forget.

Lazarus tries not to think of it, or the pills that continue to dwindle in supply. It's a quiet day, as they go, and he makes the best of it by trying to get some sleep. The bed is no longer shared, but he takes a pillow and blanket to the couch all the same.

Comments

[dead_black_eyes]

For a goddamn adult, Lazarus feels a lot of shame and disappointment in the way certain things have played out. The pneumonia scare was a big one, but it's practically the tip of the iceberg as far as other elements go. As he exposes his pitiful body while Tony draws the water, he stares at the rising level in the newly-clean tub, remembering when it was covered in a layer of shattered glass.

He seems heartened, at least, that Tony agrees that he did the right thing. "Yeah?" he asks, voice thin, latching onto it for what it is. Clinging, even, desperate to know that something good came of something that still feels so horribly raw.

"He didn't want to. But he would have hated me," he says, drawing his arms closer to his body and shivering. "He wold have come to... hate me, Tony. I just... that's why I didn't call you right away. I wanted to see if I could go it alone because this isn't anyone's problem but mine."

[oncedevil]

Thankfully no glass remained, that would make for a dreadful experience. Once the temperature is right Tony motions for Lazarus to hop in while he finishes filling it. "It's a bit hot, tell me if it's too much? Try to soften up some of those cuts." Then maybe he can get them disinfected and spare Lazarus something even worse than embarrassment.

"He still cares," Tony agrees quietly. "I don't know if he'd hate you, but it'd be hard. With his brother... he's probably still going through a lot, yeah?" Were he in Cesar's shoes, Tony couldn't be certain he'd react with the same level of grace and composure. He casts Lazarus a sympathetic smile. "I know, L. But that's what I'm here for, remember?"

He won't hold it against him, he knows that pride all too well.

[dead_black_eyes]

Whether or not it's too hot or cold, Lazarus probably wouldn't say so. He's numb and disassociated, and lowers himself into the water while Tony talks gently in his general direction.

"He wouldn't stop caring..." he answers, curling his torn-up back. "But that's it exactly. Moises is always here. I've burned a template of reality into my brain and it still isn't always enough to make a difference. I ruined everything... the least I can do is keep from finding a way to ruin even more."

He hugs his legs to his chest, nodding dejectedly at Tony's reassurance. "Yeah, I... I know."

[oncedevil]

Tony can only hope it isn't too hot, cold might be worse, given Lazarus' state. The heat may help soften some of those poorly healed wounds as well.

"That's good," If it were too easy, well... Then Tony would need to have a few Words with Cesar, wouldn't he? As it is, he's content to let it lay the way it is. It wasn't the best situation, all around, but possibly better in the long run. At least until L can get sorted out. "No you didn't. Relax, these things happen, right?" Briefly he scuttles away to grab a cup to pour water with, returning just as swiftly.

"Okay, head back, let's get this hair washed yeah?" Murmured casually while shoving a bar of soap into Lazarus' hands in a silent command to help out. Once he's clean he'll feel better, right?

"We'll figure this out."

[dead_black_eyes]

He glances back over his shoulder, looking mildly exasperated, as though wondering how the hell it can be good in spite of the reassurances. He feels like he's missing an arm, and it doesn't even matter that he's technically the person who gave permission for it to be amputated.

He shivers, swallowing the lump in his throat and tipping his head back at Tony's request. It's a side of the young man he hasn't seen yet, and if he was in a better place, mentally and emotionally and maybe wasn't the cut-up pitiful creature in the tub. Unlike the last time they had a similar health crisis... Tony actually seems calm, soothing, and competent. He's not panicking, he's just patiently helping where it's needed.

"Or we won't..." he mumbles, red-rimmed eyes staring glassily at the ceiling. "Either way, it's only two choices, and I guess that's something to take some kind of comfort in."

[oncedevil]

Because it meant his care was true, even if it hurt more. But Tony's not responding to that look or explaining himself, he's busy getting what he needs to treat L's back. It's going to hurt, it's going to hurt for a very long time. But they can work through it, can't they?

This time Lazarus isn't near death, for one, and Tony's been through.. a lot. For another. Shou requires a lot of reassurance as well, he's learned some patience there, and some impatience, but that won't help Lazarus. Nah, he's here to look after his brother. And right now a gentle hand and clean hair seem to be a better ticket than scolding.

"We will," He reaffirms, dumping water into L's hair then following up with shampoo. They'll have him back in a semi-normal state in no time. "I've got an idea or two."

[dead_black_eyes]

It's not pleasant for anyone involved in this difficult situation. As much as Lazarus feels like he should be doing Tony the same courtesy he gave Cesar and cut him loose, asking and even demanding that he leave, he knows that he wouldn't last long without someone to take care of him. Even though his pride smarts and stings at that realization, it's been years since he genuinely wanted to die, and even this difficult life is preferable to no life at all.

"Ideas?" he asks as Tony works the shampoo into a lather. It'll be tough going, getting through the snags and tangles o his shaggy hair. "I... want to hear them. I think I need to hear them."